5. I'm Not

V1RV$

Lyrics:

I wake up mid sentence in my own head

Like I missed the start and just jumped ahead

Room feels staged like a borrowed set

Everything sharp but I'm not all there

I move through tasks like they move me back

Hands do work brain stays black

If this is living then living is thin

Like I'm hovering inches above my skin

I'm not gone I'm just not here

I still move but I disappear

I don't fall I don't break apart

I just fade out where the loud parts are

I'm not gone I'm just delayed

Half a second behind my face

If this is calm I don't trust it yet

It feels like quiet before regret

Mind split screen picture lag

Body on track thoughts off map

People talk like I'm in the room

I nod yes but I'm not attuned

Heartbeat steady that's the lie

Means I'm numb not that I'm fine

I don't spiral I don't react

I go blank and I don't come back

Memory drip like a leaking tap

Whole damn day feel copy pasted

I don't feel fear I don't feel safe

I just feel far from where I'm standing

Mirror shows me a moving shape

Looks like me but it don't relate

Eyes blink slow like they buffering

Every thought feels second hand

I don't ask why it happens now

I just ride it till it lets me down

If I push it snaps me back

So I float and stay intact

I'm not gone I'm just not here

I still move but I disappear

I don't fall I don't break apart

I just fade out where the loud parts are

I'm not gone I'm just delayed

Half a second behind my face

If this is calm I don't trust it yet

It feels like quiet before regret

Words come out but they don't land

Like someone else moving my hands

I hear my voice say I'm okay

That don't mean I'm in the frame

Crowded room but I'm by myself

Watching me from a higher shelf

If I panic it snaps too hard

So I drift and let it scar

I don't need grounding I need time

For the pieces to realign

If I rush it I fracture more

So I stay half out the door

Not asleep

Not awake

Just a pause

I didn't take

I'm not gone I'm still around

I still feel it when it breaks down

I don't vanish I just step back

Till my name fits what I'm at

I'm not healed I'm not lost

Just riding out the mental fog

If I come back I'll do it slow

I'm still here that's all I know